Wet, Hot, American Summer Outfits

I know it's only Spring, but I'm not going to let that stop me from planning my outfits for Summer. And let me just say, the great thing about planning virtual outfits is you don't have to worry about how much anything costs! Although, for your sakes I tried to include some practical items. As a result, I have done things like juxtapose a pair of $300 sunglasses with a $15 vintage heart locket. That kind of fashion irony is my favorite though and I strongly believe in dishin' it out for worthy items and then making up for it in the thrift store. Enjoy!

This is my beach bombshell outfit. You should hum the song "Pineapple Princess" to yourself while you read this. Right away I want to tell you that, yes, these shoes make me want to die. I love the chunky heel and the woven upper. I think I need to buy them so I can pretend like I am in an old Elvis movie. Secondly, one-pieces have been really cute lately and wearing one does not necesarily make you fat or a mom anymore. What's great about the jean material is that you can potentially wear this as a really hot top and no one would even know that it is a bathing suit (yet another bonus to the one-piece). I went for a sort of 50's island feel with this outfit, so I threw in the cat-eye sunglasses.  I really think the cat-eyes are one item you can't go wrong with this Summer. That said, finding a matching beach umbrella may seem like a trivial detail, but I will say that investing in a stylish umbrella is a good idea, it really brings that extra touch to your look. Everyone will be suprised that they even noticed your umbrella and that they like it enough to tell you so.

Vintage Umbrella and cat-eye sunglasses from Etsy.

Pineapple Island Heels and Blue Jean Queen Swimdress from Anthropologie.

Continuing with the island theme, here is my Hawaii-inspired outfit (you can keep on humming Pineapple Princess if you want, it's still relevant). We've got a surprisingly cute hawaiian dress, some rose colored glasses to look at the world through, a vintage Hawaiian clutch aaand a pair of super cute shoes, which I actually just bought and am wearing right now. What I like about this outfit is that it is ambiguously vintage, like you aren't quite sure which decade it is. I think it's probably a mix of 50's and 70's.

Vintage sunglasses, dress and clutch from Etsy.

Shoes by Seychelles available from Zappos.

One more look for the tropics. This is my chic & natural beach look. Again, love this retro suit. To me, something about the bottom being more like shorts than a bikini justifies wearing this around as semi-outfit even before making it to the beach. The earrings, purse and shoes add a modern twist to the vintage swimsuit and the neutral color scheme of the accesories helps to tone down the print. Plus, every girl needs to remain hydrated - especially at the beach!

Vintage bikini from Etsy

Earrings and Bag from Anthro

Shoes from Zappos

Klean Kanteen from their website

We've left the island and we are sailing now! Not real sailing though, you don't want to look like a flithy, scurve- riddled lout. So, here is my nautical outfit. Nautical is very in right now. You will have no trouble finding accesories or clothes to go with this theme, they are everywhere. I like this romper from Dear Creatures though, I like the 70's vibe it has. I've paired it with some very loud shoes, a nautical necklace, a navy clutch and an outfit for a child, if you have one! I saw that little girl's jumper and I just could not resist. It is paired with a handmade toy boat and a cute sailor's bow.

Platforms from Irregular Choice

Nautical necklace, vintage clutch, and child outfit & boat from Etsy

Romper by Dear Creatures

This is my land lubber look, for when you reach the shore. Faded red shorts, with a delicate tank, girlhood necklace, flaming hot sandals and amazing cat-eye sunglasses! I think it is the perfect balance between innocence and sexiness.

Sandals and tank from Anthro.

Necklace from Etsy.

Shorts from Ebay.

Overpriced, vintage sunglasses from Free People

This is my advanced land lubber look. It's for when you've been on the mainland for awhile and you've been watching a lot of Woody Allen movies lately. So, ala Annie Hall we have some large shorts and of course a hat, but I've paired it with some slightly nautical heels (because you miss the sea) and a feminine tank with vintage bag to soften it up. I really like these shorts because they are like Annie Hall meets sailor, the city dweller and the sea.

Top from J. Crew

Shorts by Rachel Antonoff

Vintage heels, hat and bag from Etsy

Something Creepy This Way Comes

Have you ever been in a thrift store and found something so creepy and weird that you wanted to buy it, but then you don't know what to do with it once you have it and you don't really want to keep it because it's that creepy? This happens to me all the time. A lot of the time I carry it around the store with me the entire time debating about whether I should really buy it. I ask my shopping partner with a wide grin, "Should I really get it?" and no matter what the answer, I go on mumbling to myself, "I don't know..." In the end, I usually decide not to buy it, mainly because I cannot justify spending money on something that would otherwise be spent on something I'd actually use. I will argue that there are some objects so creepy that they are worth buying, even if you don't know what to do with them, because what you do with them is give them to your friends and then watch the look of confusion/horror on their faces when they are presented with the item. Or better yet, you hide it somewhere in their room and then patiently wait for the moment when they scream out, "EW!" or "What the hell!" At any rate, I have been shopping in the virtual thrift store world of Etsy and I have found some absolute gems.

Creepy Cat

This poor cat looks like it is being devoured by slimy slugs! I do not know what it is about figurines, why do they exist at all? They are always incredibly strange and utterly useless.

Cat Pins

If that last cat wasn't weird enough for you, here are some really great cat pins, which appear to be made of real hair. Now you can carry a creepy item around with you always by wearing it on your blouse! Amazing. Someone should buy all of these and wear them all at once. I can easily imagine my neighbor doing this. It would be especially great if you pet them and quietly explained things to them throughout the day.

Put Some Spring In Your Step

It's spring, kitty kats, and you know what that means? Well, it usually means sun dresses but this Spring seems to be all about separates. I am going to defy the trend though and press on with my Spring dresses post anyway.

Leifsdottir

What I love about this dress is that it has drama.

Leifsdottir

What I love about this dress is-- Whoah, what's with that model in the front? First off all her left foot is on sideways! Second, her left arm is shrinking into some kind of T-Rex claw! She looks like she might suddenly swing that thing behind the other model, hook her by the waist and drag her off scene. That said, the other model makes for a lovely prey. Cute shoes and hair. I'm usually not one to copy cat but I wish I could wear this exact outfit for the upcoming Easter festivities I am to attend with my boyfriend and his family. I'm not religious so the only real importance of the holiday is deciding what dress I get to wear.

"Calico Dress" from Anthropologie

Calico always reminds me of my old housemate's cat... incidentally that housemate hates patchwork, I, on the other hand, love it! Check out the detail on this dress, I especially like the structure of the top, it has a sort of soft bustier look to it. I would also like to point out that these colors are very refreshing, purrrfect for Spring. Also I can't get enough of this old-timey carnival theme in this shoot.

Inspired by AMERICA!

It's a good week for America and that is making me feel especially patriotic right now. I just found out that because of the health care bill that was recently signed into effect, I can be added back onto my mom's insurance in about six months, regardless of whether I have a job or not! Hurray!

Now, if you think that's inspiring check out what I have for you:

I really wish I could go back in time wear this to my prom. I truly do. It would have been really great especially considering my date had a Mohawk. I think if he saw me in this, he probably would have thrown up or just straight up refused to take me. The irony is, this as a prom dress is way more punk rock than a Mohawk, tuxedo, converse combo. Seriously though, for what event is this dress intended? I hope that Sara Palin wears this on her 2012 campaign trail.

Paris Hilton

You might not realize it from the above dress but red, white and blue outfits can be done right and here is my example. The secret is that the blue has to be a powder blue and the red and white then serve as an accent.

 

Ralph Lauren Spring 2010

Nothing says America like Ralph Lauren's bullshit, waspy designs. Or rather, nothing says America like this racist designer's marketable vision of the "American Dream" which appears to be actually just a rehash of what elite, white people wore in the early to mid 1900's. Looking at these worn overalls however, Lauren may  now be drawing inspiration from poor people. It looks like this model walked right out of a Great Gatsby mansion and stole a pair of overalls from some farmer weathering The Great Depression. As much as I despise this designer, I would still wear this outfit... because as I say, this design is not unique to Lauren and could easily be found in a thrift store and you know how I love vintage. Plus, I love overalls!

"Spruce" from Church & State

This dress is the exact same color as The Statue of Liberty. And it's on sale right now. The price is still listed at it it's original $310 figure, but  you have to remember that they cut it in half when you proceed to check out. It's a nasty little trick really. I used to live near a thrift store that always priced their items as 50% off. I used to just call it "The 50% Off Store." They put this giant hand painted sign in the window and just left it up all the time, except for some days when they would randomly change it to 30% off. Tricky, tricky. But anyway, this technique totally worked on me because I would wander through the store, pick up an old lamp, exclaim, "Twenty dollars!?" and then be so relieved that the price was actually ten dollars, that I wouldn't even bat an eye at buying it. 

Built By Wendy

Thick, red and white stripes is very American. You should be especially careful though, when selecting anything striped because stripes of another color combination or width can really quickly turn French or even Jamaican and that would be very Un-American and  then you would get to, "Git ooout!"

Ivan Helsinki from The Sunday Brunch Dress Shop

Stars and stripes and... Vulcans?

Star Trek aside, I usually hate long sleeved dresses but what I love about this one is that it is a seamless combo of knit sweater and weird ruffled jumper. Lovely detail on this dress, and it's on sale!

Michelle Obama in L'Wren Scott Spring 2010

Michelle Obama in an ascot tie, love it! Finally, a first lady with taste, now that's inspiring, America. Although, apparently there is some controversy about her bare arms in this outfit, what the hell? Is this like the no-shorts-in-the-office-law? I call bullshit on this. They obviously can't handle her guns. Why can't us stylin' babes catch a break?

The Ultimate Accessory

My boyfriend's dad has a classic MG buried in his garage. God, I want that car. I feel a little bit like I am cheating on my car when I say this but - I love classic cars. They are so choice. The last 30 years of car design has been total crap. How do people even find their cars in the parking lot? Everything is champagne colored and it all looks the same.

brother & the old ball and chain

For some reason people think my car is cool. Or at least I have been told this. I guess it is pretty cool, I can certainly spot it in a parking lot. It was a lot cooler before some a-hole stole it from in front of my house and then crashed it and abandoned it in a church parking lot but hey, what am I gonna do?

I think I might have absorbed this from an episode of Sex & the City but cars are to Californians what handbags are to New Yorkers. They are like a giant money-sucking accessory that also endangers your life and destroys the environment. Cool, huh? Well despite my passionate belief that we need to strengthen our public transit system, I am not about to become some kind of city bus riding martyr nor is it possible for me to ride my bicycle anywhere in a city this riddled with pot holes. Seriously, I can feel how bad the street is even in my mom's Audi. Riding in my car is like traveling in a covered wagon.

Plus, I cannot afford to buy or keep any of these cars, but a girl can dream.

1974 Karmann Ghia

When I look at a car I see a face. I like Ghias because they have a little moustache! Do you see? It also kind of looks like whiskers, like the car is a small foreign man or a mouse.

1957 VW Beetle

(Dimitry Popov Photography)

Love classic VWs! Somehow V-dubs make all girls look cuter. I know this woman is already a babe, but look at her little gloves! Maybe I am influenced too much by Herbie, but something about these old VWs exudes a happy love feeling within me.

1965 Splitty

Squareback!

Adorable! This is the kind of cute, hipster girl that you want to hate but then your realize you cannot hate her because you have too much in common and you love that she made little cut out hearts and covered her friend's car with them. So then you want to be her friend, but then you find out that she is actually a stuck-up bitch and you hate her.

Volvo Amazon

This is another big fave of mine. What a bitchin' paint job on this one and, as always, I love the greasers. If I saw these two on the street, I would totally call twin points though. Do these guys actually walk around like this together? Don't they realize that they have the exact same hair and outfit going on? The twin points game is very fun. All you need is a friend in the know and you can play it constantly. Any time you see two people who are together and dressed the same, you call out, "Twin points!" and whoever calls that out first gets the points. If you see a pair of actual twins who are dressed the same you get double points. It's pretty exciting. This game is the most fun when you are in a super touristy area. I came up with it when I was visiting a friend in Santa Fe. I kept seeing these older couples walking around in what I swear to be the exact same pair of oversized khaki shorts accessorized with Chacos and floppy hats, of course. I mean, maybe it is just so they can find each other more easily but you'd think that guy would be pretty freaked out if when he's wandering around, window shopping, he suddenly thinks, "Oh, there's my wife" before realizing that it is actually just a reflection of himself.  

MGA Twin Cam

I hope to some day ride in the passenger seat of this baby. Although, this young man does look like he is about to rob this hot dog stand...

1968 Pontiac Firebird

This car is sex.

Alfa Romeo

(Dimitry Popov Photography)

Another fave of mine ever since my mom's gay husband bought one on Ebay and had it delivered to the office. Another beautiful photograph by San Francisco-based photographer Dimitry Popov. You should definitely check out his site.

And finally, what we should all be driving...

 a Mini!

I may also add that I hope this trend of smallness returns in the world of purses as well. Aren't you girls sick of hauling around those giant hobo bags yet? I mean doesn't the very name suggest its impracticality and ill taste?

Life is Shorts

Last "casual" friday I got sent home from work for wearing shorts. And that is total pants, isn't it? So I am going to retaliate by making this post all about shorts. And that is the long and short of it. Okay, I'll try to stop  making puns but there are so many good ones related to this topic it's almost harder to avoid making them.

Dancey Shorts by Sublet Clothing

Maybe these would have been more work appropriate than peach, corduroy men's shorts from the 70's? I don't know. I really don't understand what the professional objection is to shorts. Shouldn't California amend it's casual friday law? I want to see some office leg and I don't  think I am alone. Let's take a look at some more awesome shorts. Join me after the jump.

Nesting: Cute Stuff For Your Home

Dear blog readers... or rather... Dear Marnie (since I am pretty sure you are the only one who looks at this),

I have been feeling rather nesty lately, and by that I mean I have been getting the urge to buy a lot of useless but alluring crap. This makes almost no sense since I am currently living in my dad's house, in my childhood room, which my dad has painted 4 different shades of ugly from random cans of paint he found in the garage. Make no mistake when I say childhood room, all of the cool stuff that I accumulated from age 1-18 has been cleared out and stuffed into boxes so that my dad could rent out the room while I was at college. The only remaining trinket from the past is a very uncool Humpty-Dumpty lamp, which I hated even then. Especially because it has a musical element, which plays a very creepy and slow version of the accompanying song.

At any rate, I love the idea of decorating living spaces with that touch of child whimsy in mind.

White Rabbit Lamp from Sprout Home

I adore this glowing rabbit lamp. If I had a kid I would want this kind of lamp for their room. Who says children's furniture has to look like someone melted down a box of crayons to create it? I also maintain that this is a charming item for an adult's living space, this is the kind of childhood item that I would carry around with me well after the age of 16.

Incredible wall decal designs by Inke Heiland. What a cool idea? These sillouttes are made from vintage wallpaper. Love it! You can check out the online store here.

Butterflies from Etsy!

Nature is such a key element in childhood and nothing is more accesible or facinating than bugs! These butterflies are so beautiful and amazing, it's no wonder people frame them.

Sea of Sci-Fi Mug from Mod Cloth

Who doesn't love a girl weilding a ray gun?

Okay and let's not forget geodes. I don't think I even need to defend this one. I mean, geodes are just flat out magical.

 

Where else but Etsy?

I love these little guys! They remind me of an old cartoon featuring a very lovable little owl named Owl Jolson. Aside from that though,  I have a soft spot for owl figurines. I used to know a guy who filled his entire bathroom with owl statuettes and wall hangings and I have secretly wanted to do the same ever since.

Nothing says whimsy like floating orbs. Also, nothing says earthquake hazard like floating orbs but that is a risk I am willing to take. Just don't hang these babies over your bed. (I saw that Sprout Home has them for sale.)

Into the Foliage Wallpaper from Anthropologie

Anthro's prices may make you want to DIE, but some things are worth waiting for and I am fairly certain that this will go onsale someday and when it does it will be at half the original price.

If Leprechauns Were Supermodels...

We'd be them?


Perhaps not...


But still, I must  admit I love the zany green outfits that come out on this day. Even if they are fashion train wrecks. At any rate, you want to be sure that you are wearing green today, so not to get pinched! Here is a little idea of what I would be wearing, that is... if my fantasy of owning a ray gun that enlarged Barbie clothing were to come true:

 

And let's not forget my boyfriend's outfit...

Who wants to date Ken when you can have a hunk like this, am I right? I mean I am pretty sure that Ken is gay and my gaydar is pretty phenomenal.