Monday, March 29, 2010

Something Creepy This Way Comes

Have you ever been in a thrift store and found something so creepy and weird that you wanted to buy it, but then you don't know what to do with it once you have it and you don't really want to keep it because it's that creepy? This happens to me all the time. A lot of the time I carry it around the store with me the entire time debating about whether I should really buy it. I ask my shopping partner with a wide grin, "Should I really get it?" and no matter what the answer, I go on mumbling to myself, "I don't know..." In the end, I usually decide not to buy it, mainly because I cannot justify spending money on something that would otherwise be spent on something I'd actually use. I will argue that there are some objects so creepy that they are worth buying, even if you don't know what to do with them, because what you do with them is give them to your friends and then watch the look of confusion/horror on their faces when they are presented with the item. Or better yet, you hide it somewhere in their room and then patiently wait for the moment when they scream out, "EW!" or "What the hell!" At any rate, I have been shopping in the virtual thrift store world of Etsy and I have found some absolute gems.

This poor cat looks like it is being devoured by slimy slugs! I do not know what it is about figurines, why do they exist at all? They are always incredibly strange and utterly useless.

If that last cat wasn't weird enough for you, here are some really great cat pins, which appear to be made of real hair. Now you can carry a creepy item around with you always by wearing it on your blouse! Amazing. Someone should buy all of these and wear them all at once. I can easily imagine my neighbor doing this. It would be especially great if you pet them and quietly explained things to them throughout the day.

If you want your head to look like the grill of a semi, buy this hat. I mean really, it looks like someone scraped the remainder of this bird off the side of the road and then glued it to this vintage hat. Wtf? I am reminded of Hitchcock and also of a former housemate who had a phobia of dead birds. I can also imagine the woman who would wear those kitty pins wearing this hat. Perhaps a rather morbid arts and craft session to commemorate a gift given to her by her cat?

Taxidermy glass eyes. A whole variety in fact. This seller even suggest that you, "line them up on your windowsill" for a lovely display. Hello, freak show! I suggest you line them up on your housemate's windowsill and then never admit to doing it.

There is just something unsavory about this. The seller claims that this dish is for mustard. Why the hell would I want to serve mustard out of a turkey carcass? If I were to start a gift registry for 'obnoxious vegans you may have occasion to buy a gift for', this would be first on the list.  

I really hate clowns. I really, really hate them. So when you show me an image like this, it naturally disturbs me. Apparently these clown heads are supposed to be cake decorations. Parents, I beg of you never to expose your children to these insanely freaky creatures.

I guess these are bartending tools, but to me they just look like small weapons of torture with faces on them. I imagine that the small troll living in my wall would use these to kill off my parakeet right before climbing up the side of my bed to suck out my soul.

I can't believe this used to be in style. So gross. I always get creeped out when I see these. Touching them is even worse. Imagine rolling over in bed and finding these sleeping next to you, heads on the pillow. What a great prank! If you can bring yourself to touch these long enough to buy them and plant them in your housemate's bed that is...

Truly amazing. Look at the little legs. This is the weirdest purse I have ever seen and this seller wants $76 for it! Unreal! Buy hey, if you did shell out the cash for this you could also buy those taxidermy eyes and then you could switch this Alligator's eyes to match your outfit. Genius, right?

This is an abomination. 

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